Monday, November 8, 2010
Seeker of the Great Love Giver
Christian, Christ-follower, born-again, believer..... Why is it that after 33 years of seeking Jesus the words used to define this journey make me cringe. I am struggling to find a word to adequately convey what it means to seek after God. There are so many reasons that these words have taken on a negative connotation for me. First, I've seen the media heckle those who profess faith by carefully choosing the most outrageous actions committed by "christians" and making them front page news. These artfully edited sound bites make me shudder. I loathe the media for their ability to "spin" and have great sadness over the many ways I've seen those who profess faith bring such shame to something that means everything to me. What shall I say, then? I'm a God-Worshipper? I'm a Christ-seeker? I do know that I am completley, totally, unequivocally devoted to my God and his son who died for me. Therefore it doesn't matter what I call myself, only that I lose myself in him and live out his Love every day that I am given. You see, my goal is that my life would not "shout" a list of rules to live by, but radiate a love and acceptance that will spill out and run over onto ALL of human kind. Not only those I deem "worthy" through my human eyes, but the "all" that Jesus himself came for. All means every one. Ironic, isn't it, that growing up in church gave me the idea that Jesus only came for the "churched" or those the church deemed "worthy". Oh, what shame I felt in the one place where his love should have been radiating from every heart in the place. Although I did ask Jesus to be my guide and "prayed the prayer" instructed to me, I had yet to truly experience the great Love of Jesus. This I had to find on my own. As I stumbled around with great insecurity and became beaten and battered by the world, and yes, even some christians, I was so disillusioned. And then, in a moment of great loss and pain, on my own, I chose to do the one thing that many see as foolish and opened my mind and heart to the Great Love he offered me. I just simply took a leap...... and fell into his arms. Nobody told me what to say, or how to pray. I simply cried out from the deepest part of my being to the God I wanted to know. And now all I know is that the moment I chose to believe was the moment I felt a love and acceptance so deep in the core of my being I knew I would never walk away from this. This incredibly vast and all encompassing love. It sank down into my toes and ran into my fingertips. It was the Only Love I ever needed. It was the Greatest Love of all. So, maybe I shall call myself the seeker of the Great Love Giver.
Posted by Jillian Lenore at 10:10 AM