Tuesday, October 12, 2010
A Fight to the Finish
I want to cross the finish line now, I want to be done. I know this isn't possible because I still live here, on planet Earth. This place where sadness, abuse, sorrow, grief, and all other horrific things exist. I want my Jesus. I want to be in His presence so that all the pain can melt away. When I look with my human eyes I cannot bear all the suffering I see. When I step away from the armor God has for me, that he has equipped me with to fight this battle, I am defenseless. This is where I have been for the past couple of weeks. I have been weak and forgetting all that my God has done for me. I've been forgetting the blessings. I have been laying aside the truths and trying to deal with all of this on my own. Now I must step out in faith. I don't hear Him, I don't see Him, I don't feel Him, but I know what I have experienced in the past. This is what I'm clinging too. I'm holding on to those things which I know to be true. He has saved me from so many things..... One of them being a bad marriage. He has given me the gift of a godly man and three beautiful children. How could I be so selfish as to not remember His mercy and love for me in these precious gifts? Today I saw again, through the message of a dear friend, that I am not putting things in the right order. My perspective has been so skewed. This is not the end here. There will be a day of reckoning. Oh, sweet day that will be! Although I feel so lost and like there is nothing I can do right now on this planet, there is something. I can cry out to my Abba. I can pour my heart out to Him. That is all I can do right now. And I remember Ephesians 6:10-12 "For you wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms". And also Romans 8:26 "And the holy spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." And the man at the pool in Betheseda in the book of John. He sat for thirty eight years by the pool that was known for it's healing properties. He watched others get in and out of that pool and he never made it there himself, until the beautiful savior came. My Jesus, so full of mercy, asked him why he had yet to go to the pool for healing. You know what he said? I have no one to help me get in the pool and when I do try to get in someone else goes ahead of me! So sad. Boo-hoo! I'm sorry, but that sounds so much like a victim to me! Get in the pool, already! Find a way! However, Jesus, sweet Jesus, He didn't condemn this man like I want to in all my humaness. Nope, Jesus told Him to just go ahead and pick up his mat and start walking cause he was already healed. See? It's all there for the taking. All the love, mercy, and grace I want. I wish it were that easy! It isn't, but persevere I must. Because if I don't I will be a fool. I must see this fight to the finish.
Posted by Jillian Lenore at 2:15 PM