Friday, April 9, 2010
Like a butterfly
A metamorphis must take place when choosing not too walk the same path as those who were before me. How do I decide which things to cling to? How do I know what will serve me best? It is a task to climb into my cocoon in order pick up each painful memory or piece of information that does not bring freedom and thoroughly examine it. How will I emerge a butterfly if I don't do the hard work of earning my wings? What should I release and if I do it all different and start with a clean slate what will be left? Will I lose my whole family if I don't follow the "unspoken rules" of secrecy that were created many generations ago? Will they all turn their backs on me if I take nothing from what they gave me? Perhaps Matthew 10:26 -28 from The Message says it best: "Don't be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don't hesitate to go public now. Don't be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies (or fear of loss). There's nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life - body and soul - in His hands." If I want to change then I first must realize it will be a struggle. So much to change. So much to wade through. My heart is heavy with the burden for all those who have the task of "turning their ship" around. If the screen were a paper the tear drops would stain these words and cause them to bleed down in trails of sorrow. They are tears of pain, yet mingled in these tears are little droplets of joy. It is a joy that comes from the place inside of me that knows hard work pays off. After the hard work comes a pride and a confidence that is unshakable. The pride that comes from knowing I am doing it different, I am changing my life. This is not a task for the faint of heart. I must count the cost, understand the price to be paid. And in the process be kind to myself and remember the Lover of my soul walks with me. He gets into the cocoon and wades through the muck and then He creates my most beautiful wings. This is the path less traveled, the one of changing my life. It is the narrow path that is not easy to walk. But I have found it to be full of incredible blessing. I have come to peaks where I look out at breathtaking views as I see the hand of God and His fingerprints all over my story. I see how His hand has upheld me and I open up my heart even more. And then I experience a moment of extreme joy and gratitude that allows me too forget for a sweet moment the pain of the past. I tell no lies here. I have walked this road long enough now to know the inexplicable joy of taking the hard road. Even Jesus said in Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it." Oh, but the other path of cover up, secrecy, and blame is so much easier! Do I have to look into this heart of mine? Do I have to see how the wounds inflicted upon me by sinners have caused festering sores of bitterness that keep me lame in the path to wholeness? I would much rather travel the road of least resistance. How much easier to say, "don't look at it, don't deal with it, push it all underneath and bury it away." But, if I am too change than I must choose truth. I must tell the secrets and than I will find the freedom to fly. When I choose the truth I choose a life of blessing. When I choose the hard work of taking inventory, thinking differently, putting on a new lense with which to see my world, I choose a life of blessing. I cry out like David the Psalmist and say: "Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to you, "You are my Lord, apart from you I have no good thing." As for the saints who are in the land they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. (in other words I will listen to those who have already learned this great discipline of walking in and telling the truth). The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips (when I choose the gods of addiction to distract me from facing the truth there is no peace for me, no light in my eyes). Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup. My lot is secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance (When I surrender to God's boundaries for me I have the security of His protection and I reap the consequences of my good choices). I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken (This is where my confidence comes from, this is how I stand firm). Therfore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." I could not have said it better myself, even though I couldn't help but add my own thoughts in bold:) Jesus has been the key to finding my wings. His love has been unstoppable. His faithfulness broke through the pain of disappointment and he has never let me down. He brings me to places of unspeakable joy in the midst of agonizing sorrow. However, I had to choose him before this happened. No one else but Jesus could do this work inside of me. My own sinful choices and the sins of those who were before me threaten to tear me down. The enemy of my soul wants to use these traps to clip my wings so that I may not fly. I have learned that being a Christ follower means dealing with the past in order that I may truly leave it ALL at the cross. My salvation has to become more than a one time decision of asking Jesus Christ for pardon. It is a working out of application of truth telling and action. I have to walk a different way, choose the narrow path. I have to embrace God's boundaries for me so that I can have the "new life" he has called me too. It is astonishing to realize what Christ has called me too in the metamorphis of me. It is a jolt to my spirit to read further in Matthew 10 where Jesus says, "Don't think I've come to make life cozy. I've come to cut- make a sharp-knife cut - between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother in law- cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don't deserve me. If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me." Wow! These words surely are a challenge and yet I know that as I fall into God's embrace there truly is no other on this earth who fulfills me the way He does. It makes no sense, in fact it is non-sensical. No, that's not a real word, but it sure fits here! All I can say is that "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word. Just to rest upon his shoulder's, just to know thus saith the Lord." I have learned to love his ways and I have learned to fly!
Posted by Jillian Lenore at 11:26 AM