About Me

Nooksack, Washington, United States

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Count Your Blessings...

It's been awhile since I sat down to put my thoughts and feelings into the world of blogging. There has been so much that has transpired on my life's journey in the last few months. I realize that there are times when I've been quite vague in my ramblings. It's hard to know how much to put out to the world. It is certainly freeing to express my deepest hurts, but it also feels so raw and vulnerable. I began digging into the wounds of my heart at the ripe age of 18. Since allowing myself to look at all the brokeness in my heart I have come a long way. It's hard to imagine who I used to be. There have been many seasons that have passed and I now find myself married almost 16 years, a mother of three, and a caregiver to my beautiful nieces. I never, in a million years, thought I would find myself in this position. First, I never believed that I would be so blessed as to have the joy of a fulfilling marriage, where I truly share my life with my best friend, the incredible honor of mothering three of the most amazing children to ever grace this planet, and lastly caring for another generation that has had to face the same childhood demons that I did. It's all a bit much when I try to look at the whole picture. I can't. I must break it down into little sections and pieces. If I look to far ahead I will burst apart. And looking back I want to buckle when I see the emotions I have waded through. How do I keep going? I am learning there are seasons. I may see sorrow when I glance behind me, but then I see a glimpse of joy, of peace, that shimmers like a silver coin on the dirty path. A memory that smells like spring and tastes like your first bite of chocolate ice cream. There are so many good things. This is how I get by; counting my blessings, naming them one by one. It goes a little something like this: Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, look what God has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done. Oh, such an old song, but so true in it's simplicity. It is good to stop and relish the hope filled moments. One of these was when I found my true love! Oh, what a glorious day, one I will never forget. He fit the bill and two and a half years later got on one knee and I said, "yes!". Our wedding day is the diamond that sparkles the brightest on the dark background of the painful parts of my past. It was the singular most ecstatic moment of my life. No regrets, no fear, just a complete and utter surrender to the love and commitment we now share. And then came the birth of something I had wanted for, but never dreamed could be mine, the title of mommy. The entrance of each of these phenomenal creatures who gave me this title is too sacred to put into words. It is more than I ever dreamed.....

1 comment:

  1. "And then came the birth of something I had wanted for, but never dreamed could be mine, the title of mommy"...wow...I so agree with you...love to you and yours...A.