Leaking heart

Adequate words elude me today, but what I feel is punctured. A needle has pierced my heart and now the life is slowly draining out of me, a liquid life force leaking out and leaving me deflated and flat on the ground. I have learned in the last few weeks deeper, darker secrets of loved ones being violated. Oh, how it hurts! I want to let out a primal scream from the top of Mt. Baker so loud the whole world will hear and the ground will tremble, so deep is the pain. I know I cannot rescue these dear ones from the past, but I know I can give them a hand up on their journey to heal. Everything in me wants to turn back the clock for them, for me, for every hurting soul in the universe. And yet, I am not God, I cannot do this. And He does not do this. Why? And I wonder how does He look at all this pain, this suffering? I believe that it does anger Him and that is the only hope I can cling too. I hate this season I am walking through right now. I don't want it to be, and yet I must. There is no turning back. This is my journey. This is my time. It is the time to tear, and then to mend, it is time to speak the words that have been laid upon my heart. And I cry out for His hand to heal me, to heal us. For there is no way I will be able to go on this pilgrimage without His intervention. So, come Emmanuel. For in this season I have sorrow and I need hope. It is a paradox.
Ecclesiastes 3
Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil?
10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.
14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
15 Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account. [a]
16 And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
In the place of justice—wickedness was there.
17 I thought in my heart, "God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed."