About Me

Nooksack, Washington, United States

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Who will get in the mud with me?

"There are seasons for everything," she said. And I should have known this was going to be the "sacred echo" for me this week. The thing that God would keep bringing to my attention on a daily basis so that I would understand again His workings in my life. I had just finished lamenting over how I wish I had more time to do more things to reach more people. You know, right? The constant pressure we put ourselves under to be and do more. That's when she said it, "there are seasons for everything, and it sounds like this is not a season for you to be doing much but resting." Of course, I had just shared some of my weariness with this trusted friend. This trusted friend who could look into my heart and see the tired beggar thinking she had something more she could give right now. As if! And so here is my white flag of sorts. I surrender! I am not able to do much more than grieve at this season in my life. And you know what? It feels better just to embrace that. See, I keep trying to push it away. I keep trying to pretend it's not a big deal that the past year and a half has brought horrific things to my attention. I would much rather they go away, but this isn't working anymore! It's disrupting my life, it's not going away, and so I am taking the advice of my counselors in the past to just let it be. I'm not going to fight the grief any more. My fear is that I may have to walk through this alone. I hope that I won't be left in the mud by myself, but my experience has been such that many people don't usually like to get dirty. I have decided to swallow that fear and push ahead. So, here goes! It's to the mud for me.

1 comment:

  1. I dont mind getting dirty. If you ever need me just call.